Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
