so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
