When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
