where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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