just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
