Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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