2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
