OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
