hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
