Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
