forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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