i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize