Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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