I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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