u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
