Yo dont text me then not text me
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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