You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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