I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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