That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
