I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize