Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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