Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Randomize
