I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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