Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
