my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i drank out of a bidet.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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