left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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