Betty ford says i'm here all night
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
