guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
