do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
