Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
