Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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