Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
