my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
