In America we eat man semen.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
