my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
