she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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