The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
