the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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