are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Randomize
