I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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