I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
