like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
