Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
