he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
