in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
