hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize