accomplished twins. life is a go
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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