Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
where am i from again
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
