I'm jealous of your bromance
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
