Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
