just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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