Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
