Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
