Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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