I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm always down for nudity.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
