I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
it hurts more in the daytime
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
