oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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