Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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