Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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