You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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