I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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