he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
