Moan for me like Helen Keller
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize