I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
