Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
