I just saw a hot homeless man
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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