Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
