omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
