I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
