i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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