put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize